


the moon above you and the streets below

by vivdvampire



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I think that's it - Freeform, I'm Bad At Tagging, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Organization XIII (Kingdom Hearts), Past Isa/Lea (Kingdom Hearts), Pining, Songfic, Xemnas doesn't know what he's doing, he never actually confirms it, i had a million ideas for tags and now i can't think of a damn one, most days at least, nether does Saïx, only implied, they're nobodies why would they understand feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:34:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28621848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivdvampire/pseuds/vivdvampire
Summary: What happens when two Nobodies both silently fall in love with each other without knowing it? Without having a heart?based off the song Kiss Me Slowly by Parachute
Relationships: Saïx/Xemnas (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	the moon above you and the streets below

**Author's Note:**

> hi i'm back it's been 4897594590347 years i'm sorry (not like more than 3 people read my shit anYWAY) i've had kingdom hearts brain rot since october and i wanted to write xemsai because i Need More. please enjoy <3
> 
> alternative title: how many times can i mention memories/remembering shit in one fic
> 
> alternative title nr. 2: how many times can i italicize something

Xemnas only had faint memories of what feelings were supposed to be. Even still, he didn’t know what purpose they were supposed to serve now. A Nobody had no reason to feel, so why should he have to pretend to have them? He saw no sense in emotions, at least not anymore.

While, theoretically, Nobodies were in fact capable of something resembling feelings, and perhaps even begin forming hearts of their own, in a way, Xemnas thought these types of things got in the way. 

So why did he find himself thinking nearly non-stop about his fellow Organization XIII member with the blue hair and ‘X’ shaped scar across his face? Why did he want to keep him close, especially when he couldn’t sleep at night? 

Thinking about it distracted him from the papers on the desk in front of him. It was hard sometimes to tell how much time had passed between the last time he’d actually gotten anything done and now. There were times where he didn’t particularly care if he did any work. If he could, he would have stayed there thinking about Sa ïx all day.

But he couldn’t. He knew he couldn’t. Still, it was tempting. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He was doing it again. Thinking about Saïx. It seemed to be more often now than ever before, and sometimes he would think about much more than he probably should have. About how it must feel to have those lips against his own, hands in his hair, to just _hold_ him…   
  


Who better to walk in than the very man that Xemnas was thinking about? 

Attempting to pull himself together even a little, he looked up at Saïx. “You know, usually people knock before entering a room. Especially if the door is closed.”

  
  
“I know- I’m sorry, sir. I just wanted to discuss a few things regarding the current situation…”

For the short time they spoke, Xemnas was actually able to focus on the words Saïx said. Perhaps it was because he actually had the male there with him. He was sure that had to be it. 

After maybe an hour had passed, they had finished speaking. Usually, after wrapping up a conversation like this, Xemnas would dismiss Saïx. But this time was different. He actually wanted to sit there and talk to Saïx. 

“Stay with me.” He did mean to say those words. What he _didn’t_ mean was for them to come out so...desperately. He could only hope that Saïx wouldn’t pick up on the strange tone from his boss. 

He didn’t. 

Instead, he just stood there, an expression that, on anyone else, would have represented confusion. “I-I’m sorry?”

“Stay with me tonight.” 

  
  
“Is everything alright, sir? You’re acting...strange.” Maybe Saïx _had_ noticed the desperation. He stared at Xemnas, trying to understand.

“I apologize, Saïx. I’m not quite sure why I said that…” Xemnas had always been good at lying. Would Saïx see through this one?

“Ah… of course, sir. It’s alright. Um, is that all?” 

**Don’t go. Please stay.**

“Yes, that is all. You’re free to go.” 

**Fuck**.

And so, Saïx left, though not without still questioning to himself what Xemnas meant by his words.

\------------------------------------------------------------

It couldn’t have been more than a week before the next time Xemnas and Saïx met. They stood at the large window in the back of the room, staring out into the night sky. Talking casually, something they had gotten used to before the awkward conversation from earlier in the week. 

There was a pause in conversation, allowing Xemnas to glance at Saïx. Although, it turned into more than just a glance and by the time he realized he had been staring, Saïx had turned to look at him.

“Is there any particular reason you’re staring at me?” 

The question hung in the air for far longer than Xemnas should have allowed it to before he simply shook his head and looked away. They were standing so painfully close that if he _really_ wanted to, Xemnas could have embraced Saïx. 

But he didn’t. 

The sensation of being gently pulled even closer wasn’t expected, but certainly wasn’t unwelcome. In fact, even such a small gesture had Xemnas’ mind racing. His gaze settled back on Saïx, whose face was much, much closer than he ever could have anticipated it being. 

Was this it? With Saïx holding him oh so close? In front of the window, Kingdom Hearts visible from where they both stood? The only sound other than their breathing (which was as quiet as it could be, somehow) was the rain falling gently outside. It always rained here.

As badly as Xemnas wanted this, he finally pushed himself away from Saïx. It took a moment to regain his composure. 

“...I had better get going. I’ll see you another time.”   
  


And just like that, Saïx was gone.

And if he were still human, Xemnas was sure he would have been crying.

\----------------------------------------------------

Despite the assurance of _I’ll see you another time_ , each passing day that he didn’t get a private moment with Saïx only made Xemnas wonder if their last meeting made Saïx want to avoid him.

But then again, Saïx had been the one to initiate it.

And it seemed like he didn’t want to pull away.

And it seemed like he wanted the same thing Xemnas did.

  
  


Unbeknownst to Xemnas, Saïx did want the same thing. Though he felt he was much better at hiding it and, if Xemnas wasn’t always away from the rest of the group, he was sure everyone else would have suspected something. 

Even though there was nothing to suspect.

At night, Saïx replayed those few precious moments over and over in his head. The way Xemnas stared down at him, they way they both knew this was something they _probably shouldn’t be doing_ , but they both wanted it too bad to care. 

So why did they hesitate? 

~~Fear~~.

Neither of them knew why, but they did know they both regretted it.

\----------------------------------------------------------

More and more time passed since their last moment. They were both too busy to really get to be together for any extended amount of time without someone else around. 

Saïx had gone to Xemnas’ office first, looking for him, ready to give a report on the past week and how things were going. But he wasn’t there. Of course, the only next logical place to look was his bedroom. 

And that’s exactly where he found him. 

Sitting up, back against the wall and staring at the other side of the room. It seemed that he didn’t even realize Saïx had entered the room until he began speaking.

“Um, excuse me, Xemnas? I have this week’s report. I know usually we do this in your office, if you’d like to move there-”

“What do you remember from before you became a Nobody?”

“What?”

In Saïx’s mind, he saw himself and Xemnas in the office, back when Xemnas had told him to stay. He was acting just as odd as he had that day. 

“There are some parts I can recall, yes...why?”

“No reason. You said you had the report for the week? Come sit and read it to me.”

And that’s what Saïx did. Tense due to being in Xemnas’ private space, but he managed to give the report regardless. He thought he did a decent job. The whole thing took maybe an hour and thirty minutes, and when Saïx was finally finished, Xemnas only gave a gentle nod.

“Very good. You are dismissed.” 

“Actually- I had another question.” Why were his hands shaking?

“I’m listening.” 

The seconds of silence were deafening. 

“Stay with me?”

Not exactly using his own words against him, though somehow that’s what it felt like. It actually got an amused chuckle out of Xemnas. “Come here.”

Almost as soon as the words were spoken, Saïx was as close to being in Xemnas’ lap as he could get. Not quite sitting on him, although his legs were stretched out across the other’s and he felt a tan arm around his waist. His breath stopped the moment he realized just how close they were, and what this could possibly mean. And then Xemnas started speaking again.

Saïx was slower today than usual, whether that be because they were relaxing into each other or just how intoxicating he had come to realize Xemnas was, and it took him quite a bit longer than it should have to realize what exactly Xemnas was talking about.

Memories.

Xemnas was talking about memories. 

His own memories.

Saïx listened, not saying a word until he was sure Xemnas had finished speaking. Even then, both of them remained silent for some time. The silence was only broken by the soft surprised gasp from Saïx as he realized there was a hand in his hair. It was gentle, relaxing even. He let his eyes close as Xemnas ran his fingers through the blue locks. 

“You’ve been quiet for most of the night. Is something wrong?” Xemnas’ voice was just barely above a whisper.

“No- not at all. The opposite, actually. Everything is right.”

“Is that so? Well, I’m glad you’re alright.”

“Can I stay with you?” Saïx thought for a moment that he might have to repeat himself, wondering if Xemnas had even heard him.

“Of course. Stay here as long as you’d like.”

“Thank you… please don’t leave me alone.”

“I won’t.”

  
  
The last thing Saïx remembered before falling asleep was Xemnas pressing his lips softly to the top of his head. 

\----------------------------------------------------

Somehow, it felt darker than usual. The sky was the same shade as it always was, but something just didn’t seem quite right. No one really noticed it, or if they did, they didn’t mention it. Xemnas stood on a roof of one of the many buildings around the city. 

Saïx stood beside him.

Neither of them had spoken since getting up there, both just staring into the distance. Not like there was nothing to say, they both and quite a bit on their minds, but they couldn’t find the words. 

Eventually, Saïx spoke. 

“Please don’t leave.”

“I wasn’t planning to.”

“Good. That’s good...” 

“Something on your mind?” For the first time since they’d arrived on the rooftop, Saïx looked at Xemnas. He found Xemnas looking back at him, which he hadn’t actually expected. “You know you can tell me anything.”

Words weren’t going to properly convey what either of them wanted. They both knew that. Regardless, neither of them could exactly bring themselves to actually do it. So they stared at each other for what felt like forever.

It was less than a minute.

“Nobodies aren’t supposed to be able to feel things. So why am I feeling something?”

“You know we can simulate emotions based on how much we remember from before we became a Nobody. If we remember certain emotions, we can recreate them.”

  
“Right. I know that. But I don’t think I felt this one before.” In a way, he was right. _Isa_ did in fact feel like this before becoming Saïx. But it wasn’t nearly as strong as it was now. Or maybe it had been a different form of the same feeling. Or it was just as strong, but he had forced himself not to think about it. Or all of the above.

“Well, what feeling is it? If you know.”

“Love.” 

The one thing Saïx told himself he wouldn’t feel, if he ever managed to figure out how to “feel” again. The empty space where his heart should have been ached. 

“Love...that’s not one I’ve heard other Nobodies being able to recreate. Of course, that’s not to say that it’s impossible- clearly, if you can do it. May I ask if there is anyone you feel this love for?”

Saïx was not at all prepared for that question. There were a few moments where he stood, simply staring at Xemnas, trying to figure out how to say all the things he was thinking right now. When no decent explanation came out, he decided it would be better if he just told Xemnas physically. 

Not another second passed from when Saïx decided to do this and when he had kissed Xemnas. It was quick, but it meant more than he thought it would. Xemnas stepped back, surprised, as Saïx began rambling out apologies and excuses for why he did that.    
  


Then Xemnas pulled him close, actually smiling a little. “Hush. If this is something you want, don’t run from it.” And then their lips were together again. Soft and sincere. They kept each other close.

Just like when they were at the window. 

When they finally parted again, they had nothing to say for a short while. Just gloved hands gripping at each other’s long black coats, neither one wanting to let go. Xemnas was the first to say anything again.

“Stay with me.” His voice was gentle, much more than Saïx had ever heard it before.

“As long as you stay with me.” Saïx replied with his own voice just as soft.

“I would love to.” 

They shared a quiet laugh and another kiss before finally pulling themselves away from the embrace, though they still stood right next to each other.

Hand in hand.


End file.
